What do you do when you're stressed? I think everyone must have some way of dealing with it right or we would just all go completely bonkers! My way is to put on very angry very loud music (how emo do I sound right now!!!!) It's amazing what it does though, it's like all of my "shit I can't deal with this" thoughts dissapear into the song and then I can get on with my day! The only problem is when I don't get the chance to go and have some alone with music time to collect myself because I'll tell you now, beware the wrath of a very angry very stressed Sian!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if we weren't human? And no I'm not talking about "u murdered a poor innocent ant, ur inhuman!", I'm talking about if we were some different creature like a bird or a reptile or a different mammal! Personally I think it'd be pretty interesting to have a day in the life of one of those things! Imagine being able to fly!!! I suppose you'd see the world in a completely different perspective wouldn't you!

I have an "interesting thoughts of Edward Monkton" calendar on my wall and I get all excited to see what the next month will turn out to be. This month it is the deadly donkey!

Beware the deadly donkey
Falling slowly from the sky
You can CHOOSE the way
You LIVE, my friend
But not the way you DIE

I think he's great personally! Go visit him (yeah click his name)! I know many people will just think he's a bit crazy but hey he makes me chuckle and thats something! On the other hand many people would say that I can be made to laugh pretty easily :P!

Ok enough of the randomness, I think I have succesfully convinced everyone that didn't already know that I'm ever so slightly weird so hooray for that!

Over and out!

Mood of the day: restless

Oh P.S by the way I really fancy a mars bar right now! I might actually treat myself to one later!

Do you ever take things in your life for granted? I think there are certain things in life that you feel are pretty constant and although they might slightly change (because nothing is the same forever) you would never expect that they would suddenly fall down around you. When this happens it can be completely heart breaking. Things you usually accept will happen every day slowly start to fade away into nothing. Things in your life start to become memories instead of current events. Gaps end up on your walls and in your life because the thing that fills those gaps has dissapeared. When that change is something that you didn't want to happen in the first place it just makes you feel completely lost. It's even worse when the choice is made for you rather than made by you. You realise that nothing you can say or do can make it go back to the way it used to be, and you long that things were different.

 

Some things you always suspect aren't quite right however. The thing is though, with those particular things, you think you've prepared yourself well but you never realised the ways in which the change you've been willing to happen for a while affects every single aspect of your life. In the end although you know this change will be a positive thing, you still can't help to think about trivial things it will affect.

 

Both types of change however have happened to me recently. It's strange how everything in your life can be constant for such a long time and then it all changes in just a few months. Leaves you feeling at a loss about what to do next. Starts to make you question your beliefs about the way things are and the optimism you may have had for the future makes you feel stupid and pathetic.

 

Over and out.

 

I'm home for the week! I'm really overly excited about it actually! It's not that I really hate uni or anything at the moment, it's actually going fine, but I just LOVE Cardiff!!! I have lots of work to do though! Strangest thing today, I got on the train at Nottingham where it was clear blue skies and absolutely beautiful! It was really autumny and cold but just gorgeous and really making me smile! Then I put my head down to some work for what couldn't be more than 10 minutes. I looked up and everything was all eery and foggy! I felt like I was in a horror film! How can the weather change so suddenly! Also, I kind of got some inspiration for a Lem Toon so next time I have time I'll get it down on paper!

 

In other news, my brother passed his driving test not long ago and gave me a lift back from the station! It's a strange feeling when u realise that ur all growing up! I swear, in my head I am still a 7 year old! Ooo oooo my sister got back from America a few days ago and bought half of New York I'm sure! She bought me this pink t-shirt with toucans on it! I'll have to put a picture up at some point and show u all! It so amazing!

 

Anyhoo I don't have much else to say so.......

 

Over and out!

 

Ok so I've been thinking a lot recently (suprising huh :P?). A week today I'll be back in Notts. Everyone keeps telling my how excited they are to be going back to uni or how they cant wait. I on the other hand love it in Cardiff. I love spending time with my family and the fact that they are always here. I love it that if I'm bored we do something, even if its walking the dog or going to the shop for nothing! I'm really not looking forward to going back to uni and if I can make the days before then last as long as possible that will be superb! It seems strange going back somewhere where I haven't been completely happy. I can just forsee all of the work and the stress and the assignments and the dreaded teaching practice. I don't think I can deal with a bad one of those this year! Anyway I know that it's very negative but it's how I feel! I will get through it and I will finish my degree (results permitting) but it doesn't mean I'll enjoy it! Everyone keeps saying go back thinking positively so maybe I'll give that a try!

 

In other news, I'm trying to be healthy atm, eating things that aren't so bad for me and doing a bit of exercise. When u get out of breath just running down the road u know its time to do something about it! How long it will last I have no idea but hey! I've had this new workout video for a few weeks and have been trying to do it every morning, I even went for a jog tonight, it almost killed me but it's all in the name of becoming fitter and slimmer!

 

I also spent the afternoon today poly-filler-ing the attic walls as there are certain places there have been holes and such from pictures and what not! It's all in preparation to paint it at the weekend! A big spider jumped out at me and my sister earlier while we were watching yet another episode of friends! It was dark and I saw it cascade itself off the wall! Scared the bajeebers out of me! Living in the house that I do everyone was telling me not to kill it with the shoe I had ready in my hand so my sister got me a cup to catch it in. I honestly didn't do it on purpose but as I put the cup over him he moved and I squished him :S. May he rest in peace!

 

Don't u think it's really sad about Richard Hammond. I hope he's ok in the end. I really like him as a presenter, he always made top gear very entertaining and was pretty darn good on brainiac too! Fingers crossed for him!

 

Over and out!

 

Ok so I'm sat here nervous because I'm going to have my hair done. Now most people would think that that's just a stupid reason to get nervous and I'm fully aware that a horrible cut and hair dye will grow out EVENTUALLY whatever happens but it's not so much that. I don't know why I get nervous about trivial things, I'm the same with the dentist (even tho I don't mind going in the slightest), waiting to go meet someone. The weirdest thing is that I get like this before I go and see Paul too, even though he knows me better than anyone and there's nothing I could do to make him shun me (i hope :P). Nervous butterflies and a general OMG! feeling. So I'm sat blogging to try and make the time pass quicker so I don't concentrate on what my belly is doing!

I've had a busy few days meeting up with various friends from different parts of the country. I met up with Han on Thursday and we went shopping woo! Then Yaz came for the weekend and we went on a quest to find crazy duck and take a photo (which may I add we failed miserably at, those pedalos just dont go fast enough!) Then to top it all off, last night I met up with my school friends, some of whom I haven't seen in years. I had a really good night tho and they haven't really changed at all.........well except for the fact they nearly have degrees or are working full time now instead of pissing around doodling in lessons :P. We went bowling which I didn't realise I was so bad at! I lost the first game boo hoooo :( When people like Harrie were in the 100s I was still only just managing to hit the 20s! I blame the fact we didn't have children's barriers! I AM A CHILD! However I got some flukey strikes in the 2nd game and managed to come 3rd out of 5 which isn't that bad!!!

Nothing more!

Over and out!

Mood of the day: nervous!

Ok so I'm sat here waiting for mam to get back from the shop with some magical skittles (*whispers* taste the rainbow!). I'm hoping for those sour ones, although they hurt ur tongue after a while they are rather yummy! I always eat them in a certain order too. I save a few purple and a few red for the end because they are my favourites, then I eat the green ones first as they're icky, then yellow, orange and finally the reds and purples. Then again I've just had a thought, sour skittles may be different colours to normal skittles as I think they have pink ones in them. Hmmmm we'll have to wait and see. I wonder if anyone else puts as much thought into eating their sweets. I know for sure that some people (u know who u r) just put as many in their mouth as possible!

I'm having a strange day, whereas most things have been fine, including work which I'm really enjoying at the moment if I haven't already mentioned, but there are certain tiny little things that are niggling at my brain and making me slightly down. I'm trying to push them away tho! It's my last week of work this week which in a way is fabulous as I get to spend some time doing things for me! However, I will definitely miss it, think of all the resources I will lose by leaving :O! The people I work with are lovly and the kids arent too bad either! Maybe I should leave uni and become a full time play worker! How fun would that be! Then again maybe not!

Ooooo Paul came down this weekend. It was lovely to see him after such a long time. Nothing replaces a Paul hug I'll tell u that for nothing! I just love spending time with him, he makes me feel safe and most important of all he makes me smile.Whilst we were at tesco I saw the most amazing pencil case. It's a cow shape, well he's a long cow obviously seeing as he has to fit pencils in his belly but he's very cute! I had to buy him of course! I might post a picture for u lovely people to see at some point but not now :P

Anyhoo I'm gonna stop the babbling and finish eating the green ones!

Over and out.

Mood of the day: Okely pokely!

What do you do when your down? When I'm down I'll sit and watch a film, anything really but usually a chick flick. It's odd that a film about a happy couple by the end can cheer me up but it does. I like things that make me smile. That may be an obvious thing to say but I thought I'd mention it. A joke, a change of subject or scenery, a nice film. Surely if there is something that makes you happy you should hold on to it right? I suppose it depends on whether that particular thing is bad for you or not.

I've had a very strange weekend. A lot of things have happened to make me feel.......subdued or down. The thing is that these things happen don't they, no-one is happy all the time. Saying that, even though I'm partly down at the moment I still feel happy about my life, I still feel content and positive to be honest. It will take time to sort those things out but I know it's achieveable. If I had been blogging about this last year I'd be telling you that I'm down in a way that can't be fixed, that everything is messed up and I would be being very negative. I like the change I've gone through to get me to the positive me and perhaps that won't last forever and I will inevitably at some point change back to negative Sian for a while but I'm enjoying being positive about things for now. I don't know what's changed to make me feel this way and I'm betting it'll change back when I'm stressed with uni but at the moment I'm enjoying my job, I'm enjoying my life :)

Over and out.

Mood of the day: I don't know.

Just updating on the shower situation. Now not only is my shower broken but all the hot water in the house isn't working! So now I'm going to have to have a FREEZING cold bath! Noooooooooooooooooo! If u hear a loud scream coming from south Wales, u'll know its me!

 

Over and out.

 

Our shower is broken! I stepped into it yesterday morning and turned it on and instead of coming out of the head like it should it started squirting out of the bottom of the shower through what looks like an overflow pipe! I have no idea what's wrong with it but it means that we are having to very uneconomically take baths every day! Hopefully we can get a plumber in on Monday but we'll have to just see.  It's not the ideal situation in such hot weather either! It's nice to be able to shower to cool down in such heat! However it means I get some thinking time with the amount of baths I've been having! Have u ever noticed that? How bath's are the perfect place to think because it's time alone in silence.

 

I've started working at a play centre as a play worker. It basically means that I spend time with children in what is very similar to a youth centre for 5 days a week. All I've had is my training week so far but it wasn't such a bad week! We learnt to make this new thing I've never seen before called gloop! It's basically cornflower and water (some food colouring for the fun of it if you choose to!). It's very strange as it has this sort of slimey liquidy consistency but when you play with it it can become completely solid. It's really very interesting stuff to play with! We also had to make a high risk obstacle course! We completed it blindfolded and it included water sprinklers at the end! We played mob too! Does anyone remember that game? A sort of extension on hide and seek almost! It's far more exciting! We all had a great time I think! Next week I start properly with the children, the only thing I'm a bit apprehensive about is whether the children will be completely and utterly too rough for me! I'm a very shy and quiet person! We'll have to wait and see!

 

 

Sometimes horrible things happen don't they? I don't think anyone has ever lived through their whole life in complete happiness. It doesn't even matter how good a person you are, how well you eat, how well you keep urself fit, how long you have had a personality that lights up the room. Bad things even happen to those people and especially when it happens to great people it just seems completely unfair, completely out of nowhere. The thing is that when you find out those people can't be around anymore you feel you have to make the most of them while they're here. Not even just that, you feel angry and upset that this happened, especially when they are young. It just seems strange, if there is a God then why does he let absolutely terrible things happen to people who have never done anything wrong? My whole family are keeping our fingers crossed that we won't lose such a brilliant person for as long as possible!

 

Sorry to finish on a low note but I have nothing more to say really!

 

Over and out.

 

A post a day keeps the..............monsters away! Or just I have had something to say both yesterday and today so there!!

When my sister and I were little we thought it would be an absolutely fantastic idea to cover our twin chests of drawers in stickers. Now I don't just mean a random sticker here and there, I mean absolutely cover it! There were even some layers of stickers in some parts. Who cares some might say. Then again some might have a fit that we ruined furniture doing this :P. Anyway, the point of this story? Today I spent the WHOLE afternoon trying to get them off! It took FOREVER! In the end I've managed to get off all the papery bits but theres still loads of glue on that just wont come off damn it! I even looked for tips on the net, which recommended using cooking oil or furniture polish. I tried both and no luck! I ended up with bottles of all sorts up there and a floor covered in broken up stickers! Anyhoo it's all cleaned up now and there's a definite imporvement! However if anyone has a magical method for removing sticker glue from varnished wood furniture without using something that will strip the varnish I would be very interested to hear it!

Over and outers!

Mood of the moment: Hyper!!!

Ok so I figure I might blog about my holiday! It's strange recently seeing as I really don't feel like blogging anything even though I have a LOT to blog about. Paul and I went to France and stayed in this absolutely gorgeous gite about 2 1/2 hours from the coast. Although it took us 8 1/2 hours to drive from Bolougne (the ferry) to the gite :O!! That also included driving through Paris! It was madness there, the cars don't indicate they just change lanes and push around! It was so beautiful when we got there! We shared a pool with the owners which consisted of 2 adults who hardly ever went in and 2 children who were in school all day anyway so it was pretty kewl! The children there were little cuties though! I really enjoyed being a child myself and playing games with them :P. We went to a place called Angouleme one day and decided we were very hungry. However after looking around for a long time for something we fancied to eat, Paul and I couldn't work out whether we had to go into the restaraunt to order or if we had to just sit outside and wait! Him and me being shy in those situations we went and cheated and bought a fromage panini and a poulet baguette in a boulangerie! Hey no matter how many times I've been to France before, my parents always did that bit so I never payed attention! Plus, I need to grow some guts :P I should have got my French phrase book out! I always wish I had learnt french instead of the german I was forced to learn in school! Maybe I'll learn it one day! Anyway the holz was absolutely fab! I finally got some alone time with my baby! It was well needed seeing as this year we haven't had much of that!

 

In other news I passed uni this year which is always a good thing. Ooo and congratulations to Paul who got a 1st in his exams and got onto his work placement this year! It's a plus for me seeing as he'll be living at home woohoooo! I start my summer job a week Monday which is a playworker post at a summer playcheme. Hey maybe I'll get sick of children seeing as I work with them in term time and in the summer but that's very unlikely :P It should be a good experience! I'm a bit nervous about it as I am with any new thing. I'm sure it will be fine in the end.

 

I'm going to learn to drive mam's renault laguna this afternoon. I always get weird about driving a new car. My first car was Molly the rover 100 and she was very small and dinky which meant that driving her was a piece of cake! Tallulah (the laguna) is a lot bigger but I just need a bit of practice. Seeing as I haven't driven since last summer I'm a bit apprenhensive about it! So if you hear about a terrible accident in the Cardiff area, or I dissappear from here forever u know whats happened :P It'll be fine! I'm a nice sensible driver!

 

I got back to Cardiff on Wednesday afternoon and finally got round to unpacking my stuff yesterday! It took all day! I sorted out things in my room before I unpacked so I had 2 full bin bags of rubbish and 2 full bin bags for the charity shop! Who would have thought I could fit that much rubbish into my bedroom! Anyway, now it's done and my room is all tidy and lovely again!

 

I keep getting up around 10:30-11:00am in the morning which leaves me with a dilemma (as I have discussed with some people before). Do you have breakfast or do you have lunch? I mean you could go with the cereal or the toast and then have a late lunch, or u could have a big lunch and wait out until dinner! It's a big dilemma :P

 

Anyhoo I'll stop babbling, just tought I'd update on the goings on in my life!

 

Over and out!

 

 

How do you stop yourself becoming overly obsessive? I am an obsessive person. If I find  game I like likelyhood is that I will play it and play it until I get bored, mostly because the more I play it when I enjoy it, the happier I am from it and who's not gonna do something that makes them happy right? What happens tho when an obsession gets out of control?  Is it possible to curb that obsession or to control it in any way? How do u know when an obsession is out of control and how do you stop urself from being addicted to the thing that makes u happy? I'm not talking drugs here or even cigarettes or drink, although I suppose you could count them as addictions or obsessions that can affect someone's life in a negative way. I'm talking about simpler things, things that don't have caffeine or addictive drugs in them that make u that way, that make an impact on ur life that start to become negative. Oh I don't know, people reading this are probably going to think I'm completely cuckoo. After all, who says obsession that many times in such a small paragraph. I'm not as crazy as I make myself out to be honest! I'm just kinda curious about this.

 

I feel very strange today as I woke up convinced it was a Saturday (what does a Saturday feel like yaz? SCATTER CUSHIONS!) It's probably because we went out last night and I connect that with Friday night. Who knows! I have a lot to blog about but due to busy-ness or lazyness I just haven't blogged so now there are a lot of things I've got to say and no real order in which to say them. I finished my teaching practice thank god but that seems old news now! I went home for the week and had a fab time in the sun. Although one slight problem was that I burnt only half of me, which is excellent of course! As someone rightly pointed out, I looked like those rhubarb and custard sweets only ever so slightly less yellow! Can you believe how the weather has turned at the moment, from snow in April to this boiling hot sticky humid stuff. Luckily it seems to be lifting in most places after giving us a few bolts of lightning and huge thunder roars which I always find very exciting :P!

 

The girls and I have decided to make the most of the fact we're only in uni 2 days a week atm. We went to the beach on one of those hot days but unfortunately it was very windy there and so us shivering in bikinis was a very funny site. We made the decision to hire a windbreak, which turned out to be smaller than a man size tissue and took us ages to put up as we didnt have anything to hammer it in with. We used the "lets dig a big hole and wiggle the pole as far down as we can then burry it" technique. But anyway we made do and huddled up until we couldn't bear it anymore! It was those coastly winds that did it, Damn them!!! Damn them aaaaalll!

 

Paul is back too! So it's been nice to see him a bit more than once a term :P! He bought me flowers yesterday. Isn't it lovely how one little thing like that can make you smile. It's like when you walk down the street and someone goes out of their way ever so slightly to hold the door for you. I find that even if someone just smiles at you as they walk past it makes you feel just that slight bit happier and it's a good feeling! So go do something small for someone today! Smile!

 

My room is slowly becoming a mess again with many things all over the floor by now, I need to sort that out today! I might be going out for lunch which has put me in the "Do I have breakfast now or wait until lunch?" dilemma! I shall ponder it while I try and ignore the whiffs of toast and maybe even bacon that are drifting up from downstairs!

 

Over and out.

 

Mood of the day: Chirpy!

A mission of the gravest importance will take place by the end of this week in Nottinghamshire. A mission some would say is as important as Robin Hood's work stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. Lives are sure to be lost but the end product will make it worth it.  We will fight, not against bows and arrows but instead, against the strongest of traffic lights, an enormous amount of cars and of course opening times. However we must persist, to find the best chocolate ice cream on this planet and to become fat this weekend! We will stop at nothing!

 

Well thats it! All of my assignments for the year are in and I'll tell you what it nearly killed me! I think everyone doing my course will agree with that one! Now I know we have plenty of work left to do, a certain 5 week block practice comes to mind! But I'll tell you what, I am so very glad for a break and for the work to ease up just a bit so I can let my hair down. Now would you like to hear something ironic? I don't know what to do with myself! I've been wishing for a break for so long but I just never really considered what I would do with that break! Tonight I'm having a pamper night however with a bath and a face mask hoorah! Then on Monday afternoon I'm off home to good old Cardiff to spend some time with my family! Yay!

 

Here I am right now, sat with nothing to do urgently and absolutely loving it!

 

It's strange how you can be so surrounded by people and yet feel so completely alone. I'm wishing my weeks away at the moment. Roll on the summer. I wish everything wasn't like this....but hey I suppose tears just fall sometimes don't they.

 

It is indeed March the 1st today and all around Wales this means celebration woohoo! Many people will just wear a daffodil or a leek, both national emblems of Wales! I remember when I was a little girl I used to dress up as a welsh lady - this consisting of a tall black hat with white frills, a shawl and a pinny! If I can get my mam to send me a picture of me when I was little I may show u some time :P The boys usually wear a flat cap etc but a lot of people just wear the welsh rugby shirt woo!

 

Anyway, just a quickie to say a big

 

(Happy St David's Day to everyone!)